A recent update in New York Magazine's "Sex Diaries" series, where anonymous city dwellers are asked to record a week in their sex lives as a journal, follows a trans woman named Chelsea who pursues a friends-with benefits relationship.
Right off the bat, Chelsea notes "Checking my OKCupid messages has become the first thing I do when I wake up". This addictive element of online dating is interesting to me, and doesn't seem to be something we've discussed in class.
She worries that her profile pictures "are not representative of how I really look". She may have realized that a high selective self-representation is not the best way to go about online dating, because it doesn't seem as real. Regardless, she did not change her pictures.
Chelsea met and hooked-up with two men during her week. The first was simply referred to as "the 19-year-old", and the second is "Andy". Chelsea and Andy had a better connection than her and the 19-year-old did, which might be because they chatted more online before meeting, which we learned was a key in positive relationships/attraction through online dating.
Chelsea and a third man ("from Paris") participated in cybersex with each other by exchanging naked pictures. It seems to have been a positive experience ("we both cum").
At the end of Chelsea's weeklong journal is this entry: "I delete my OKCupid profile. I am not 19 years old anymore. I don't want any more one-night stands, either. Ideally, I would like a genuine friends-with-benefits situation. It seems like that's what most people say they’re looking for, but few seem to actually care about the friendship part." Chelsea is done with one-night stands, so maybe she wants a real interpersonal relationship. It seems like she has difficulty overcoming the "sexual challenge": people on OKCupid, to her, just want to have sex and don't "seem to actually care about the friendship part". None of her hookups really provided support, affirmation or security, which are all important in friendships. They were simply outlets for stimulation, and perhaps they were fulfilling a sexual utility.
This entry of the sex diaries was interesting to me because I feel trans people are under/mis-represented in popular culture. Chelsea seems like a fairly normal person who doesn't want empty sex, but might not be ready for a real relationship. In this case, maybe a friends-with-benefits situation would work out for her. Based on the percentage of college students we learned about who say these situations can work, it seems like it could be the right thing for Chelsea.
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